Solutions

There are many ways to provoke somebody. By smirking or shaking your head. By constantly making snide remarks or questioning their competence. By conspicuously muttering or yawning during a presentation. The list goes on …

This all continues until eventually the victim reacts in some way. After all, that is the whole point of provocation: to attract attention. It is in fact no more than a cunning game, and one which children, incidentally, often master better than some adults.

Thus, if you are deliberately being provoked by someone, one good method is to stoically ignore them until they get bored, as they are not getting the attention they wanted. Or you can go along with the game. In either case you need to be very much aware of what lies behind it; it is the only way of staying on top of things. And then the quick-witted replies will come almost automatically.

Keep a cool head

You may be one of those people who can take it with a smile if a workmate asks with artificial sympathy whether your hairdresser had a bad day. Or the attack might leave you momentarily speechless. But by the tenth time in one day that she interrupts you with a nasty comment or constantly yawns extravagantly while you talk, you may well lose your self-control. Yet if you fly off the handle now, you have lost the game – which is why it is worth remembering that that is precisely the reaction she wants, and you should not give it to her under any circumstances.

You will start weeping or wailing and your opponent will innocently ask what has got into you. And there you will be, marked out as hot-tempered or a hysterical diva. That kind of over-reaction thus does you no favours.

Defensiveness does not pay off

You have a heavy workload, so your desk looks like a bomb has hit it. Your boss cattily points it out – as if you didn’t know it yourself. If you defend yourself now, this reaction will be the basis for further provocation: “Oh really? Can’t you manage?

If someone questions your competence for no real reason, whatever you do, never defend yourself, giving them a real chance to doubt your abilities: if you do, the troublemaker will have you hook, line and sinker, and you won’t get away easily. Before you know it you’ll be leaving the game a loser.

Employ the surprise tactic

The key is to keep your wits about you. Simply crush the provocation with a snappy repartee. Like the young woman who stalled her car at traffic lights and couldn’t get it started again. The driver behind her kept on hooting his horn until the woman got out, went to his car and made him the following offer: “How about if I do the hooting for you, and you start up my car?”

Another good solution is simply to bounce the provocation right back at them: “I’m absolutely certain that the calculation is correct, but if you are not sure, you’re welcome to work it out again.”

And finally you can just let the provocation bounce off you. “You’re right, I was thinking the same thing. My desk really could do with another good clear-up.”

If someone starts trying to put you off non-verbally, for example by shaking their head disbelievingly, act as if you agree with them: “Yes, it’s hard to believe, isn’t it? That was exactly my reaction at first.”

One thing is certain: the more unexpected your response to provocation is, the more disconcerted your opponent will be.

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