Solutions

Rumours have been part of human communication since time immemorial. It is easy to explain how they come about. Whenever you get information in conversation you automatically sort through it, discarding some points so as to remember the rest better. This means that important, and sometimes even crucial parts of the message can be lost. What remains is a “semi-truth”, which is then passed on. The next person again changes or shortens it – or embellishes it: it is easier to remember stories not just when they are short, but also if they are outrageous, funny or unbelievable; more so than everyday tales. Plus the fact that having an unusual story to tell is a sure-fire way to gain attention, something many people are thirsty for.

Chinese whispers

If all rumours were just the harmless product of accident, most would not cause much damage. But what about gossip that workmates spread deliberately to harm one another? Or tales people tell at the cost of others just to get attention?

“Julie spent the whole lunch break in the boss’s office – do you think there’s something going on?” It usually begins with this kind of tittle-tattle, then things escalate. Initially under the guise of secrecy, accompanied by the words “don’t tell anyone”, the question turns into fact, the whole story is passed on and embellished, the news spreads like wildfire and all eyes follow the woman in question’s every move. “She was in the boss’s office three times today, and when she came out again she was all dishevelled!”

This puts Julie in a difficult position now, of course, as before long she will realise that people are talking about her. When she enters the kitchen the people there suddenly stop talking. Whenever she turns around lots of people quickly avert their gaze. And when she goes into the boss’s office a crowd gathers to see how long she is going to stay in there this time. Everyone has a laugh, except Julie. When the rumour finally finds its way to her she tries to rectify the distorted facts, but no-one believes her. Eventually she withdraws from her group of workmates. She no longer enjoys her work and eventually decides to resign. The whole process is a form of bullying; it is very far from being fun and can damage the entire company!

Get up, stand up!

It is difficult to avoid becoming the target of the rumour mill. If you tend to be introverted and reserved, this piques others’ curiosity, following the logic that if you don't tell all, you must have something to hide. And if you are open, letting everyone in on your life, that is one way of ensuring you keep coming up in conversation: you run the risk of people spicing up your stories.

The main thing is to nip rumours in the bud, and to do so methodically – impulsive, angry shouting may have the opposite result.

When you notice people whispering about you behind your back, confront them directly instead of ignoring their chatter because it seems easier, or from misplaced embarrassment. The sooner you can quash the rumour the less it will damage your reputation. Sometimes this works with humour: if you counter the whole thing with a joke, you show that you are above it all. “What? Me having an affair with the boss? Oh yes, I’m after his Daimler and gold credit card. And I just love his beer belly and receding hairline. I’ll let you all know when we break up and I need a shoulder to cry on.”

However, if the tittle-tattle gets out of hand, you should track down the creative source of the story and find out if he or she has any special reason for pinning it on you. Not just boredom but envy, jealousy or ill feeling often also play a role. Once you have found the culprit, instead of thinking about how to get your secret revenge, talk to the person in question about their reasons and explain how it makes you feel. It is usually highly embarrassing for rumour-mongers to be confronted with their own malicious gossip: it is not exactly a sign of sophistication when you have to jostle for attention by making up lies.

If not even this helps and things seem to be spiralling out of control, you should turn directly to your boss or the works council – bullying is a serious matter and you have the right to help.

Go against the flow

More often than not, you yourself are not the victim of a rumour, but just become part of the information chain. Before you join in with the hearsay, consider carefully whether it is just a harmless, inconsequential story you can happily tell on your cigarette break, or whether the rumour could cause real damage. Don’t forget, next time you may be the victim, and if you are usually the biggest gossip of all, you might find it hard to defend yourself.

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